Saga Genesis

Woot Shirt, Infinity Plus One

1st Place in Derby #303: Nightlife, with 255 votes!

1: In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
2: And the earth was without form, and void; and God realized he had taken on a much bigger project than he had anticipated.
3: And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. And God saw exactly how much of a mess he was dealing with, and decided to set aside a week to work on it.
4: And God picked up some gum wrappers and folded some laundry that he had done the week before, but it didn’t seem to impact the clutter very much.
5: And God called his mom, because hey, that was something he needed to do this week anyway, and he could pick up while he talked to her.
6: And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and his mom said she didn’t think that was a very good idea. And God got frustrated with his mom, and changed the subject.
7: And God knocked over a glass and broke it and told his mom he had to go. And he could tell his mom was upset, but what can you do?
8: And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day. And God started putting together a playlist to listen to while he cleaned up, but ended up spending the entire third day putting together the perfect mix.
9: And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. And that really took it out of God, and he figured he had worked hard enough to take a break.
10: And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good. But not, you know, great. But good enough for now. He’d get back to it next week.

Singing In The Dead Of Night

Woot Shirt, Mid-Act Three Conflict

Quoth the raven, “Not so fast, Senator Valducci.”

You? You dare? You dare come here? You dare come here and confront me? You dare come here and confront me in this place? You dare come here and confront me in this place in front of my family? I thought we’d finished you.

But no matter. You’re just one bird. You can’t stop me. You can’t stop what I have planned. Which, incidentally, is a far reaching plan to take over this entire planet by using the recording industry to sue their customers so that the underground will embrace the various high-quality downloadable files I’ve made of my birdsong and play them constantly in bars, record stores and coffee shops, giving me a legal basis to claim everything as my territory under avian law. Here are some documents, in fact, proving everything I just said. I’m not scared of you seeing them because, as I said, you’re just one bird and you can’t stop me.

Okay, boys. I’m gonna get in this helicopter and go to my meeting with the recording industry. You go ahead and mow him down with your powerful machine guns which he couldn’t possibly dodge by going left, right or up. I’m sure he can’t escape, no matter how many times he’s done it before. Oh, and attach this extra long easy-to-grab cable to the bottom of my helicopter, too. No reason, I just think it looks cool.

Wear this shirt: with other people wearing this shirt. Then call the police and report a murder. Then tell them, technically, more than one crow is called a murder and grin smugly. The bruises will probably heal and a good lawyer should be able to get you some money!

Don’t wear this shirt: and think it will give you mystical Ghost Dance powers or something. It’s just a freakin’ shirt.

This shirt tells the world: “You broke the cardinal rule.”

We call this color: E-Lemon-ate Him… For Good.

Meow

Woot Shirt, Soft Kitty

It’s from that thing!

Close cat-tioning for this episode of the Big Bang Theory is provided by the Society for Feline Literacy.

SHELDON: Meow, meow meow?

LEONARD: Meow.

SHELDON: Meow meow meow meow meow meow.

LEONARD: Meow! Meow meow meow meow meow meow!

SHELDON: Meow?

[Laughter]

PENNY: Meow, meow.

[Laughter]

SHELDON: Meow meow meow, meow?

LEONARD: Meow meow meow.

[Laughter]

PENNY: Meow meow? Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow! MEOW! MEOW!

LEONARD: Meow.

[Laughter]

PENNY: Meow meow meow meow?

SHELDON: Meow meow.

PENNY: MEOW?!?!!

SHELDON: Meowza.

[Laughter and Applause]

Woot Shirt, Trying To Sing

Crow in Control

Birds of a feather flock together.

Little known fact: the music industry is controlled by crows. It’s true. All the great singers, all the great song writers, all the great studio musicians, crows all of them. No, they don’t look like crows, but that’s all plastic surgery.

Think about it: haven’t you ever wondered why you always see up-and-coming recording artists picking through the trash on garbage day? Or how sometimes you’ll hear a crow squawk and it’ll seem perfectly in tune to the song on the radio? Or how there’s always feathers on stage after a big pop star performs? All makes sense now, doesn’t it?

It also explains what happened to the Counting Crows. They release one perfect album – August and Everything After – and then all but disappear? Sound odd to you? Well, it was because of their name! saying a little too much, and ruffling a few important feathers, if you will.

Wear this shirt: to the studio to lay down some tracks!

Don’t wear this shirt: around real crows during mating season.

This shirt tells the world: “I murder music.”

We call this color: concert cancelled due to asphalt-y wiring.

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This one is just tough to see given the dark background with the black bird, but that is probably the point. I thought that it originally was something to do with EAP and the Raven, but no, nothing like that. I wear it sometimes, but it’s not in common in the rotation.